Redheaded Jill

I have scared people away from being my friend. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it backfires and the things that I hope would scare people away only make them WANT to be my friend MORE.

What I have noticed lately with a new friend of mine, is that she tends to try and frighten people away. I think it’s a self preservation thing. It seems like, “If I scare them away on my terms it won’t hurt later when they leave.” It gives a semblance of control.

She was dating a guy but decided after a couple weeks she wasn’t feeling it. No problem! But he was persistent (respectfully so) and some mutual friends kept pushing them together. She finally had to be firm and say, “NO!” But, before that, she gave him the chance to back out. She was giving signs she wasn’t feeling it, and was acting “out” so that he might be like… “Never mind…”

The direct approach is definitely the best and most effective, but it’s also the hardest. 1. It requires assertiveness and effort. 2. You don’t want to hurt anyones’ feelings. 3. There will be people who are disappointed by your choices. 4. You don’t want to be labeled as rude or picky or a snob.

I have also noticed my friend, when she’s uncomfortable or nervous, saying things to me that are hard hitting and then she kind of braces to see if I will reject her. It’s interesting to see someone doing things that I have done and trying tactics that I have tried. Being on the receiving end is fascinating.