I have this habit that I just recently noticed. I have to “test” people. Or I have to have a several week grace period where I get to know someone and see if I’m actually comfortable with them. That is kind of a normal thing I guess, needing to adjust to people. But I have really noticed it strongly this last month or so.
When I started attending a new congregation I had to give it about six months before I would consider placing membership. When I met a new group of friends it took me literal months before I felt comfortable not writing them off as obnoxious. In some instances they “proved” themselves to me and I found a way I could respect them. In other instances I figured out a reason for a behavior of theirs that bugged me and then I was able to justify how they were and tolerate it.
I am so hesitant to “take on” new people because I don’t want to only be used as a caretaker by someone who needs support. I am happy to be one of many who support them, but I don’t want to be the ONLY one doing the up-lifting. You pour and you pour from your cup until it runs dry and nobody reciprocates. It is a draining existence. Thanks to therapy and boundaries this is getting better. But it was a hard lesson to learn.
Redheaded Jill 
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