Recently I was sitting in my parents house laughing and talking with my family. I had lost my voice, sounded like a 40 year smoker, raspy and hoarse. I was laughing because a friend from church had said, “You are now the husky voiced girl.” Well, this friend is not a native English speaker and didn’t know that this 90s girl was traumatized by the term “husky” as a kid.
When I was little we would be running errands or buying clothes for school and my brother would always say, “Are we going to the husky section?” At 8-9-10 years old I didn’t like being told I was overweight. I knew that husky meant overweight because my older brother had to wear husky pants. (He was not an obese child, but he was bigger than his classmates. For reference my shortest brother is 6′ tall and the tallest is over 6″4… we are a tall people.)
So I told my older brother what my friend at church said and laughed. I said, “Do you remember how mad I used to get because you would call me husky as a kid?” Then my brother said something that absolutely broke my heart. He said, “I wasn’t making fun of you when we were kids… I didn’t know that there were clothes that weren’t called husky, because I had to wear husky pants.”
I have literally talked about shopping experiences as a kid in therapy. I have cried about this. I have held on to years of resentment over this. I was downright MEAN to my brother over this… and it was all a misunderstanding. A child, a 9, 10, 11 year old kid who was mistreated by his classmates for being bigger, wasn’t bullying his little sister. He didn’t know anything else. And I treated him like a villain for years.
It was a very humbling moment. I can think of other times in my life when my big brother tried to offer comfort and I rejected him. A few times he tried to pay me a compliment and I freaked out. I even yelled at him telling him he was stupid. What is WRONG with me? (Or what WAS wrong with me??) Idk if that was the start of my discomfort receiving compliments, or if my reaction was because I was already uncomfortable receiving compliments… That’s a post for another day.
The point is I am sure that is not the only misplaced grudge I have held in my life, and it made me feel that I need some serious self reflection.
Be kind to your siblings. Don’t blame then at 30 for something they did when they were 10. We aren’t the same people and neither are they.
Redheaded Jill 
Leave a comment