My youngest sister has FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) Her birth mother drank while she was pregnant and as a result my sister will be perpetually 12-13 regardless of how much she ages.
My sister is wonderful. She is beloved by everyone. She is sweet and innocent and kind and helpful and hardworking. And she is a child. In her mind, even though she is 20 something, she has the mind of a child. She is also extremely tiny and smaller than just about everyone. She was at a birthday party this weekend for a girl turning 11… My sister looked younger than her.
Anyway, sometimes in conversations with Sydney you see a spark of understanding. A glimpse of a mind that knows more than you realize. You think, “Wow! She really gets it!” And then, not even a minute later, it’s gone. That spark of understanding goes back into her cute little mind and you don’t know when or if you will see it again.
It’s hard to be a child in a woman’s body. It’s hard to see your peers grow and do things that you miss out on. I get that in a very mild sense, because I am an unwed Christian 30 something woman. I see my friend’s live lives that I would also like to have and I don’t. It’s hard. But I am not limited in what I can do outside of that. My sister, my sister is limited. She will likely never have a driver’s license, or live on her own, or get married, or have children. It’s not because she is repressed but because physically and mentally she cannot do it.
These sparks of understanding or discernment seem to pop up when I least expect them and lately there have been 2-3 moments that nearly brought me to tears.
The one I am comfortable sharing with you happened this weekend. My sister is friends with my childhood friend’s daughter. (My sister is 20+ and my friend’s daughter just turned 11.) They get on well. The birthday party we were attending was at the church building after the morning service, so my sister came to church with me. On the way, at about 9:00 in the morning, my sister says…
“I don’t think I will ever get married… That makes me kind of sad.”
I said, “That’s ok, not everyone has to get married to live a happy life.”
She said, “But my friends will.”
I said, “My friends will too.”
She said, “I kinda want to get married.”
I said, “Me too…”
My sister doesn’t understand what a marriage really is. She knows enough, like where babies come from and the importance of autonomy over ones body. But she is starting to see her friends, even her other special needs friends, get married and she feels left behind.
And I can’t protect her from that. I can’t take that away for her. And that makes me really sad. Yes, she can be distracted by her animals and her hobbies and her family. But even this sweet, innocent, child-like girl knows that she is missing out on a piece of life. And it’s not fair.
Redheaded Jill 
Leave a comment