Redheaded Jill

It has been brought to my attention (by countless youtube videos on feminine traits and deep self reflection) that I mother the men in my life. And it’s a problem.

I’m an oldest daughter, so I have severe oldest daughter syndrome. I also mother my friends, acquaintances and sisters. I was always the group “mom” and even when I’m the youngest one in the group I rarely relinquish the role.

I care about people and the way I show I care about them is to do things for them. “Remember your water! It’s so hot today!” “Did you take your medicine?” “Can I fix you some breakfast?” All inherently innocent and even kind things to say to someone. But you know who doesn’t want another mother? Men! I have done this my entire life. In high school. In college. After college. There are men at church, men older than me, and I find myself suggesting things to them as if they can’t take care of themselves.

I think there’s a balance between being nurturing and mothering when it comes to other adults. I even joke about it. One day someone paid me a compliment and it made me so uncomfortable I said, “Oh haha, I just act like a mom… *insert awkward smile*”. Well, because I don’t want that to be the truth I’m not going to make that joke anymore. (I hope.)

I will continue to self reflect and think about ways I can be encouraging and show care to others without treating them like they’re helpless children. This explains a lot about college. And the struggle of making friends as an adult. Guys don’t want to date their mom. And if they DO want someone to pamper them like a baby then… they probably aren’t ready to be married.

Even with my siblings I have to start being more careful. And that’s the really hard one because I have always taken care of my siblings, especially my youngest brothers.

Pray for me. The struggle is real.