Redheaded Jill

Sometimes I do things that I don’t want to do because I know they’re good for me. The “thing” I chose to do this week was attend a church function even though my family wasn’t there.

After the evening devotional they had a cookout to celebrate one of the graduating seniors. Super nice. Good idea. Go for it. Since my family wasn’t there I didn’t have a guaranteed person to sit with. (Everyone is nice and I could have joined any table) but I feel like that’s intruding and I didn’t want to. So I sat with one of the elders and his wife. We made small talk. They were sweet. Then I went outside and stood with one of my friends. Until I just couldn’t take it anymore and said goodbye.

Part of my problem is I don’t want the people I feel most comfortable with to feel like they HAVE to take care of me. Second of all, I don’t want to be obnoxious and overly clingy. There are 2-3 people at church with whom I am always excited to speak. And because I like them so much I don’t want to ruin our new friendship. So I avoid them.

Makes sense, right?

Anyway, I don’t know if that’s called being shy, having a touch of the tism or just social retardation. Whatever it is, I got it and every day is a struggle.