Redheaded Jill

Have you ever been given a label and it stuck with you for… well forever?

I have worn a lot of labels in my life. Some good, some bad. Some I don’t worry about and others plague me.

One such example: Kids. I love kids. I truly do. I think they’re cute and funny and I would like to think I will have kids of my own someday. What isn’t fun… is people assuming because you like kids you want your whole life to revolve around kids.

To be fair, my life DOES revolve around kids, because I am a very involved aunt. I love my niece and nephews. I also have an attachment to the children of my good friends. I will never say no to cuddling a baby, especially a newborn. BUT… I don’t want to work with kids 100% of the time. I don’t want to substitute teach every day because I long for the company of children. I don’t automatically want to teach Sunday school, or work in the nursery at church because I like kids. (Am I willing to help out and be in rotation from time to time? Yeah. Of course. But I don’t want this to be my entire identity.)

I have two special needs siblings. I love them. I will always care for them. I will do just about anything for them. This does not mean I want to work with special needs people for the remainder of my life. I was told my entire adult life, “Oh you’re so good with your brother! You should be a special education teacher!” Why? I know my brother really well. I have him figured out. He is my brother. I do not suddenly have an understanding of all people with special needs and what their requirements are. I have not studied the world of autism outside of my brother.

To me this is why companies suffer. They say, “You’re a really good designer! So you’re going to be head of the design department!” Why? Are they good at managing people and teams? They are skilled in design. That doesn’t make them skilled with people. Or leadership. Or delegating tasks. Two different skill sets.

This can happen in all sorts of ways, but these are the two most prominent in my life. When this happens I can find myself getting resentful, so I try to stay ahead of it and hold my boundaries. “Do you want to teach Sunday school since you work with kids?” “No, not at this time, but thanks for asking.” It’s not that I refuse to help and do things, but I will not be kept in a box because they only see one version of me.