Redheaded Jill

Have you ever heard of the “Let Them” principle? It’s something that shouldn’t be as mind-blowing as it is…

The idea is people will have their opinions and judgments and sometimes it won’t change, no matter what you do. So if you are working with a colleague who is hateful and no matter how much you do or don’t do they will complain. Instead of spending all your energy trying to change their opinion of you… let them. Let them be wrong. Let them be hateful. Don’t focus on it and go about your business. You know the truth. God knows that truth. Your friends know the truth. Your energy is better spent on other things.

Not exactly rocket science, but when I heard it I felt a sense of relief. And I started to apply it.

If I have an awkward encounter instead of thinking on it for days and hours and making myself sick I acknowledge the feeling, reassure myself, and go about my day.

Example: My sister’s wedding… it was an event I survived due to the sheer amount of adrenaline pumping in my system. I was sick, I lost my voice, I was surrounded by people for like… three solid days. I was overwhelmed. BUT… I did really well. During the reception I was talking to my uncle. I love him. He’s a good man. Perhaps the top five most generous person I know. Our last encounter was at my brother’s wedding last year. That encounter left me feeling horrible. I think when my uncle sees me he remembers my grandparents and it makes him sad. So when I talk to him and his expression is kind of like Eeyore I feel bad about myself. Or I USED to. Last year I left our interaction feeling lower than low and in tears. But my shrink told me a few things, one of which was, “You are not responsible for how other people feel. You are allowed to express xyz and that is all you are responsible for.” So this time when we talked and the smalltalk was getting to that awkward point I said, “Ya know… when I think of you and my aunt I think of people who are so generous and giving and helpful. I want to be able to bless people on day in the same way you have. You have made a huge impact on me by your example.” I think it did make him feel a little awkward, but I was able to end the conversation and walk-away without feeling dejected.

A stronger example (with it being the holiday season) might be… Your mom is hyper critical. She always nitpicks and makes you feel two feet tall. You can use all your energy trying to convince her she’s wrong about you. You aren’t lazy, stupid, desperate, etc… But you could become a billionaire tomorrow and marry the handsomest man alive, having twins in the next year and she would still tear you apart. She has a poisoned mindset. Let her stew in her own toxicity. You know the truth about yourself. You know how hard you work and how high to keep your standards. Keep your energy for yourself. Your mom will exhaust herself with negativity and you can keep plugging away living the dream. (Disclaimer: I am not speaking from experience, my mom is great and we have a wonderful relationship.)

Some more examples of what I can just LET THEM think and save my energy:

• Let them think I’m sad being single (I know it’s important to not settle)
• Let them think I’m unhappy with my career (I know how much I love watching my niece and nephews and don’t feel deprived in the slightest of not having a 9-5)
• Let them think I’m going nowhere (I know my goals and dreams and future plans… I’m keeping them to myself.)
• Let them think I’m kooky (I don’t have to justify my conspiracy theories to people who aren’t interested. Live and let live.)

What are some things you can just LET THEM think?