Redheaded Jill

Something new from therapy this month.

My “go to” reason for things is often “I don’t want to do _______ bc I hate people.” Or because I don’t like ____ and he will be there. It boils down to me not wanting to be around certain people.

While those reasons might be true, it’s not wholly true. I don’t like crowds as a rule. I have very little interest in others. I don’t enjoy making new friends and meeting people.

But it’s bc it’s exhausting.

As a kid I didn’t have the words to say, “I’m feeling very anxious and being in a big group will be too much.” Or “if I am around Bob he will make me the butt of a joke or will draw unwanted attention and it will be embarrassing and I will be super uncomfortable the whole time so I don’t want to go.”

I didn’t think anyone would understand even if I did have the words.

So instead if saying, “Mr. Jones made a comment one day that made me uncomfortable and I don’t want to be around him in the future” I said, “Mr. Jones is super weird and I don’t like him.”

It was easier to explain to my family that I was mean and snobby and shallow, rather than overwhelmed, scared or hurt.

And it just became the norm. Now we joke and say, “Well bc Regan hated people…” when really I don’t mind people. I just don’t want to interact with them.

And sometimes you can’t put your finger on it. There’s just a gut instinct. Which I think should be trusted.

I don’t know how to fix this except for asking questions and letting your kids know they can always tell you the truth. They might still have to see certain people or be in uncomfortable situations, but there are ways to cope and we as adults are willing to help them.

We have to give kids words and tools so they can safely and effectively express themselves without harm, either physical or mental.