Therapy has been doing so well. Last week we did some EMDR and I feel like a couple breakthroughs were made.
Sometimes I joke about having oldest daughter syndrome And I talked a lot about how I was always the mom of my friend groups. And while that is just part of my personality, and I do like taking care of others and being reliable, I also hold onto some resentment.
I don’t resent being an oldest daughter, but I have a lot of resentment for my friends put me in a position to be there. Thinking specifically about college.
A former roommate struggled with mental health issues, but I did not learn this until we were juniors. Her boyfriend would always tell me, you don’t know how important you are to her. You don’t know much you matter in her life. She needs you. Don’t get upset with her. She can’t help it. Someday you’ll understand. At the time it made me feel good because it meant they needed me, but it also meant that I let them treat me really badly. She belittled me in public, I was the butt of every joke, she told me countless times how stupid I was for my opinion or my thoughts and then expected me to be there when she would need help.
Her boyfriend got a bargain as well. If I dealt with her when she was at her lows he could have all of the fun times. I’m really disappointed in the amount of time. It took me to learn what unhealthy friendships I had.
To be continued
Redheaded Jill 
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