Redheaded Jill

I am not currently, nor have I ever been married. But several of my siblings are and it has made me think a lot about weddings and marriage.

One of the most powerful things I’ve ever heard about marriage was from a friend in grad school. Her mother told her it was very important to see how her future husband reacted in times of extreme stress. Her mom said you need to see him angry, and how he behaves when he’s angry. Can he keep a level head or does he get loud and violent? Does he put others down or is he kind and compassionate? How does he treat others when they make mistakes?

My friend said when her parents got married and we’re on their honeymoon something went wrong. They were inconvenienced at the hotel or car rental place or something. Her dad became enraged and really scared her mom with his reaction. Up to that point, she had never seen her husband angry.

This has always stuck with me. It also makes me reflect on myself. When I’m inconvenienced, how do I act? Would I frighten my husband, would I frighten my kids? Is the situation I’m in worthy of such an interruption?

There’s a definite balance between standing up for yourself and being rude, and there’s a balance between being a pushover and turning the other cheek.

And by no means am I suggesting you test your significant other to see how they react to things. I just encourage you to take note of how they treat others at all times, especially in times of high stress. That’s how they might treat you and your future children.