Well, another week another therapy session!
Y’all… I have been an emotional roller coaster. Can we blame the full moon or Mercury being in retrograde? (I’ve never understood what that means but it makes me laugh.)
I have had a lot of stress lately. My sister is getting engaged soon. (Which is a good thing. Happy for her. I don’t begrudge her any of the good things in her life.) Unfortunately for ME she wants to get married in Dallas. And I know Dallas is a huge city, but it’s a city that holds a lot of negative memories for me. It’s also busy and crowded and I hate it. She has her reasons, but I think of all the many places she could choose for a wedding anywhere would make more sense than Dallas. We’re not from there. She has no friends or family there. Tis a silly place. Anyway…
She’s looking to get hitched in Dallas. Instant stress in my mind.
On top of that I’m battling the ever present feelings of failure and imposter syndrome.
I have started a new project that I hope will turn into something big for me financially. I’ll never make millions, but I’d love to be able to get out of debt and afford to pay the ever increasing insurance rates each year for my car and house.
In therapy I was talking and I heard myself said, “I’m afraid to be excited.” I have tried and failed SO many things. I am tired of telling people my latest scheme only for it to end with zero dollars made and oftentimes many dollars wasted. It has got to the point where I no longer tell people I’m trying things just in case. I only want to talk about them if they work or I succeed. So I haven’t told many people what I’m up to.
I told my shrink that even though my family is very kind to me I compare myself to my siblings constantly. I don’t wish ill on anyone in my family. I don’t want my siblings to fail at things just because I fail at things. I am very proud of their accomplishments!
To be continued…
Redheaded Jill 
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