Redheaded Jill

I am from a big family. Not big by early 1900 farm family standards… but big by the national average standards in 2023.

One of the best gifts my parents ever gave me was siblings. Though I didn’t appreciate them until I was 20+ years old.

I am the second of seven kids. Growing up it gave me a sense of status. We were the big family. We were the church family. I was even referred to as the church girl when I was in high school. (No, we’re not Mormon or Catholic or German Baptist or Amish or Mennonite.)

Even among my extended family we have the most kids and I always loved that. My enneagram 4 spirit will always love the things that make me unique.

Growing up it became a regular occurrence for their to be a family meeting where we’d find out my mom was pregnant again. I loved those meetings.

I was often left in charge to babysit and I was something of a tyrant. (12 year old Regan had something of a power trip my siblings have told me.)

There is no better feeling than when your mom praises you to her friends or family members because you’re helpful. I loved being helpful. I still like being helpful.

I love sharing information with others that might make their lives better. I love learning new things. I love being useful. But what I’ve learned as an older sister is I help others succeed but don’t often succeed myself.

I don’t begrudge anyone in my life their successes or achievements. I don’t regret helping others. What I do regret is not loving myself as much as I love others. I wonder what things I might have achieved if I put the same energy into my own life as I have those around me. This is something that has come up in therapy lately and it’s very eye opening for me.

So here’s to loving ourselves and being as good to ourselves as we are to our loved ones.