Redheaded Jill

One of the first things I learned in college was that my family was weird. Christians are called to be “peculiar” people and “in the world not of the world”. I was used to that. What I was not used to was the fact that lots of Christian couples don’t actually like one another.

My parents are in love. The sweet going on dates together, married for 35+ years, kissing in the kitchen, having seven kids type of love. They have been that way my whole life. We used to pretend it grossed us out until one day my mom said, “Isn’t kissing better than hitting one another?” I wrote a paper about them in college because I realize what a rare thing their relationship is.

My college roommates parents were NOT happy like this. And actually, lots of my friends from college had parents like this. Parents who didn’t act like they liked one another, much less loved one another. The type of couples who stay together because they have kids and divorce isn’t something a Christian takes lightly, but they don’t treat one another well or even like being married. It was a huge wakeup call.

It definitely made me appreciate my parents. It also probably has a lot to do with why my college roommate was so depressed and manipulative and tormented. Here I am as a 30 something in therapy to deal with my issues when I had a great home life with loving parents and a real safety net. I don’t even want to imagine what type of mess I’d be if I didn’t have the happy upbringing that I did.

It sets my standards for marriage really high. I have what many would consider unrealistic standards not because I need to marry Henry Cavill’s doppleganger (though I wouldn’t mind…) but because I want to marry someone who is as reliable and loving and protective and godly as my dad and my grandpas. This is also why it’s good that I didn’t end up with any of the guys I knew in college because they have proven to NOT be those kind of men. Not a single one of them can hold a candle to the men in my family.

I guess having great parents is a double edged sword. I am happy to be living a good life surrounded by my family without all my dreams having been fulfilled, instead of someone who achieved her dreams only to find out they were really nightmares.