Redheaded Jill

Today I had my second session of EMDR with my shrink and it was amazing.

Short recap: My shrink and I decided to try some EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) which we started two weeks ago. The first session was her asking a bunch of questions and focusing on a single core memory, a negative core belief and what I would like to change that negative core belief to. (Example: When I was a kid X happened. It led me to believe I was stupid. My core belief is I am stupid. I want to change that core belief to, I am not stupid.)

So we zeroed in on that last time. Today went a little differently.

Today my shrink had me focus on a box of my own choosing. She had me choose a memory of a minor inconvenience. She had me imagine putting that memory into the box and walking away from it. Then she had me choose an image of a comforting person. She said it could be someone real or fictional, but she recommended it not be someone from my actual life because that could confuse things. Like if I chose my Grandma as my comforting figure, but she’s passed away so I associate her with loss. SO, I chose my comforting character and then I chose a character that represents wisdom.

Finally, I pictured a “happy” place. (She didn’t call it that, but it’s essentially what it was.) She asked me to describe the scene, the smell, the feel, the sounds of the place. She said this could be used to refocus after thinking of a really difficult memory or even if I’m going through life and experiencing a stressful event in the here and now.

Next she handed me the buzzers. I held a buzzer in either hand. The left hand vibrated, then the right hand, and it went back and forth. The point was to engage to left and right side of the brain equally. So as not to get trapped in fight or flight with using just the right side of the brain.

She asked me to recall the first memory and just follow where my mind took me. After 15 seconds she asked me what I saw. Then she asked me what emotion I was feeling. Then she asked me where that was located. (For me it was all in the front part of my head. It was super intense, lots of pressure.) She had me practice some deep breathing and then we continued.

Because it was our first session of reprocessing we worked for about 15 minutes. Then we refocused. She told me I could imagine my comforting figure stepping into the memory and protecting me OR I could put the bad memory in the box. I put the bad memory in the box. Then we talked about happier things for a few minutes.

Things I noticed and was slightly startled by. The intensity in which I felt the strong negative emotions. Also, how quickly the buzzing helped to calm me down. At the start of the session my negative feelings were about a seven on a 1-10 scale and when I left it was lowered to a 5. Not a big deal necessarily, but it was a lot for only 15 minutes of reprocessing.

This might seem like gibberish or crazy talk, I certainly didn’t understand it until I experienced it. It was great. I am eager to continue and see if I can’t change my varying negative self perceptions. I left the office feeling somewhat lighter and also sleepy.

Have you ever tried EMDR?