Redheaded Jill

I have only attended a few funerals in my lifetime, but I have some thoughts. There are several things that are considered normal that I don’t think I’m a fan of. (Though I do understand the reason for them and don’t begrudge anyone their choices.)

1. Viewing the body. I get it, you want to say goodbye, see them one more time. I hate this part. At my Grandpa Fish’s funeral I didn’t see him in the casket until walking by at the end of the funeral service. It was horrible. At my Grandma’s funeral I made sure to go view the body before the service. I made the mistake of touching her hand. Not only did she look like something from a horror film because they had to do something weird to her mouth, but her hand felt like plastic. This last week at my Grandpa Smith’s funeral I saw him from a distance, and that was enough.
2. Allowing anyone to speak who wants to. There’s a time for stories and reminiscing, but I think the funeral itself should be more structured.
3. Small talk with extended family or strangers. I am sad. I don’t want to sit with or talk with anyone. I’d prefer to be alone in a cubicle where I could cry without an audience. I don’t know how to comfort people. And I’m awkward about receiving comfort. Crying in front of people isn’t fun. Sitting by a stranger and crying is even worse.

There are also a few things I love.

1. Singing hymns. I usually end up just listening because I’m either crying or trying not to cry. But they sing the best hymns at funerals.
2. Plants and flowers. There can never be too many plants or flowers.
3. The stories that make you smile in spite of your grief.

What are your funeral dos and don’ts?