Redheaded Jill

When I was in junior high a few things happened. We got satellite TV, I was introduced to TLC and the show What Not To Wear, and I was told I was fat for the first time.

Now, I have never been skinny, but it wasn’t until puberty started that I realized I was very different than my friends. I developed sooner than they did, I looked older than they did, I was from a christian family that encouraged modesty and most of them weren’t. The last thing a kid wants to be is different, so I started trying to do things to make me skinny like my friends.

I started dressing in layers, hiding behind jackets and sweaters. I quit wearing shorts or anything that showed my skin. I tried diets, but those never last long. I even tried to make myself throw up after I ate, but that was too hard. (I’m not making light of people with bulimia or eating disorders. This is just the mindset I had at 13-14.) I learned that black was a slimming color so I became the queen of black clothes. Jeans, skirts, shoes, tops, all of them were black. I didn’t have any interest in Goth fashion. I just wanted to look skinny. I don’t think I even owned a white shirt from the ages of 12-25, no joke. I couldn’t wear white, I wasn’t skinny. I also didn’t wear shorts in public until I was in my 30s. (I finally decided that I didn’t care anymore, I was tired of being miserable and hot in the summers.)

Things went south when I was about to enter high school. My little brother’s friend made a joke about me being goth (stupid little troll), and that scared my family. So my black clothes were taken away. It should have been fun because I got a new wardrobe out of it, but I was mortified. What was I supposed to do? My comfort clothes were taken away and I was going to high school. It was also frustrating because my younger sister (who has always been athletic and smaller than me) got to wear just about whatever she wanted. She was never told her clothes were too tight and she never had to shop in the women’s section rather than the teen section of a store. I also had two brothers who at different points in their life were a little bigger, but they started working out and slimmed down almost overnight.

I coped by layering up and sneaking some things. I had a couple black shirts that I would take to school and change into. I also had a coat that I loved and I wore than just about every single day. Eventually I got over the need for constantly wearing black, but I still depended on layers and darker colors over light colors.

If I had to choose a lesson from my experience it is probably that we need to communicate with our kids. If you want to teach your child modesty be careful not to make them feel like they’ve done something wrong by being built a certain way. Stress health and if you have a kid who’s drawn to black don’t assume they want to dye their hair blue or worship the devil. (I have zero knowledge of goth culture, I’m going completely based off stereotypes.)

Growing up is hard enough, especially in public school. No need to make it harder with miscommunication and body dysmorphia.