Redheaded Jill

Part 3: Forced participation

Chances are we’ve all experienced forced participation in some activity or another. I’m thinking of first day of school get to know you games, social club mixers your freshman year of college, boring work lunches or happy hour events, sports at Bible camp…

As an introvert, even back in my youth before I knew what social anxiety was and possibly before I even HAD it, I hated forced participation. Honestly, I think I can trace it back to kindergarten round up when I knew none of my peers and while playing “Farmer and the Dell” I ended up being the cheese who stood alone. (I should probably mention that to my shrink, haha!)

But as I grew up I hated being told I HAD to participate. At Bible camp I made the mistake of being mediocre at softball, so on the last day of the week when it was “All-Star Girls” vs. Lady Counselors I ALWAYS had to play.

In sixth grade math I had to come up with an adjective that started with R to match with my name to help my classmates remember who I was.

My freshman year of college during interface (the first week of school get to know you activities) I had to attend events and mingle with my group of assigned freshmen. If I wanted to get into the social club of my choice I had to get a card stamped by different upperclassmen proving that I attended all the extra curricular activities on campus. (Age 18 is when I got smart and “lost” my stamp card. Oops!)

By the time I graduated college I was SO tired of being forced to do things I found meaningless so I started asserting the power of NO. I started saying NO a lot. No, I won’t attend family Thanksgiving, it stresses me out. No, I won’t attend that work function, I don’t want to see my co-workers outside of bank hours. No, I don’t want to teach Sunday school anymore. No, I don’t want to socialize. No, I don’t want to leave my house today.

If you’ve read my other posts about mental health you know I kind of took it too far for a while… but now I feel like I have a good balance. I know that I CAN do the simple yet difficult things, but I also am comfortable saying No. As long as you’re willing to accept the consequences of NO then you are set. Be responsible for your choices, but don’t feel bad for setting your boundaries and telling people NO.